"Takenoko" - the game of being fat and looking cute

Did you know that a grown adult panda
can and will punch the ever living shit out of you? Having pandas around is a common cure for constipation. This is a little known fact that I just made up.

Being a panda is something that no one has ever fantasized about. That insatiable hunger for bamboo, the whole not ever getting sex thing, and the constant desire to punch people makes it one of the least desirable animals to be. It's no wonder that pandas as a species are so tired of being alive. But, I guess for those rare occasions when you feel like living the panda life without the incessant need to punch, this is one-third of a game for you.

As everyone knows, Takenoko is the Japanese word for "Do not Take a Ko." The game puts you in old-ass Japan, where you are trying to collect one of three different sets which are depicted on cards. Panda cards are completed when your panda-stomach is full of different types of bamboo. Farmer cards encourage you to grow stalks of bamboo to some specified height, while the third set requires you to build the world to fit a certain shape. The sets may interact with each others in unique ways, since you may both complete a panda set and farmer set at the same time HOW WEIRD AND WACKY.

What is a ghost panda's favorite food? BamboooooJUST FUCKING KIDDING it's tacos

This game is all about worker placement / set collection, a combination of concepts that seems to be pretty simple to introduce multiple elements of strategic decision making. The balance of randomness from dice rolls or card draws versus what other players do is heavily shifted towards the latter. A real game involves making decisions based off what has happened before your turn. Some would argue that games where your opponents decisions bear no impact on your thought process are not really games at all. Often times in Takenoko, your opponents will nom down all the bamboo that you need to complete one of your sets, and you'll want to make like a panda and punch them until poop goes flying everywhere.

What was so good about THIS particular collection of cardboard pieces?
THE ART. HOLY BUTT SPARKLES! ITS SO GOOD. Everything from the cuteness of the box art to the cuteness of the panda token radiates cuteness beams. The art style is cohesive and fairly minimalist, but seeing this box really sucks you in and before you even realize what the hell is going on, *SHAPOWZ* you're whipping out your massive credit card and flopping it onto the table for everyone to see. Although I really enjoyed the game mechanics overall, particularly the concept of multiple semi-antagonistic gameplay elements, to me the most appealing part of the game was the art.